I'm very excited and anticipate your next response. You're a fascinating creature. You're a phenom just like you said.

I guess you can call me a warrior if you like but I don't even really call myself "Christian". These days I see myself as a "Revolutionist". Let's get into it....

I think you said you don't know God and you don't know love. What about your lady? Doesn't she love you? Hasn't she shown you a measure of what love is? She gifted you with a form of love that sees beyond faults and weakness. From her heart to yours. I really don't know but I wonder if you make it difficult for her to love you at times. Being that frog in the pot who is unaware. I was at a place where I reserved enough love within for my sons only. Everyone else was hated in comparison because consciously and in deed I cared for no one else. It's not good to isolate or reserve love to a select few. If the love your lady shows you is good and has been good for you, why can't you be possessed by that and gift another with what you've been given? It's starts with one. You can change the world one person at a time.

You said you're in a weak moment and strongest when you have a great enemy or something to fight against. You feel your life is of no value otherwise. I want you to go to war. Declare war against your soul. Against your conscience. I want you to hate that monster. Fight in this lifelong struggle. Hey! Now you have purpose and a daily opportunity to fight. Now you have value because you're fighting for personal freedom. When you're liberated, you can liberate others. Join this fight with us. You have allies in an Army where we leave no soldier behind.

"If I could choose another path and still have myself protected or at least prepared for the enemy...."

A right relationship offers that and will afford you weapons against the enemy seen without, the enemy unseen, and greatest of all, the enemy within.

Can I just throw out this question? Who are you not willing to forgive that has offended you other than God?

"Not sure if I would have at that point but at this point I would do it."

So, can you give me an example of what you imagine a person has to do for you to terminate them? Like, gimme an example where you can kill and justify it for yourself.

"Because this misery was not started by me, I nourished it like a fool...."

So, is it beyond you to be wise from here on out and starve it? It's sure to die, I assure you.

I know it's not an issue of God shopping. You can't hate what doesn't exist. The God who is the definition of Love is the one you hate and you say His existence is the so called True.

You want Him to say He's in charge but hasn't He already? Didn't He take charge when He flooded the earth and saved only eight because the rest refused Noah's Gospel and chose death or themselves rather than life? Didn't He take charge when He led a nation of slaves out of the hands of a cruel taskmaster named Pharaoh? Promising over 400 years in advance that He would punish that nation? We wouldn't call Him LORD if He wasn't in charge. Talk about a "leader". Wasn't it the Christian God who led Jacob's children in a cloud by day and pillar of fire by night? When was God never in charge? You want the world to perish and everything in but I'm sure you've heard how He's already pre-determined to do so with fire.

"I might be sick or hey I could be normal and the world is madness."

I think in this world, the worse you are as a human, the more normal you are. Oh, you're this; been through that; that made you? You're so normal. Be abnormal. Be extraordinary. Be transformed. Be radical.

"I practice blending in." and "..I want to be one of those people they have on the news.."

So, you live your life concealing who you truly are and wear a mask because if your true self were to be exposed you would be shunned and cast out by the same people you practice blending with. By the same people who are practicing in front of you. We're ashamed of our secret self that's why we can say with smiles we're fine or okay when really we're not. How normal. If you become that person on the news, not everyone will be surprised.

"If I don't have to hurt anyone I won't."
There's someone hurting everyday because of the love you can't show. Won't show. Won't learn to show. Someone's healing hinges on whether you'll love 'em or not. "Well, how will I know?" Love will seek out and hate will pass by aware or unaware.

"I'm not afraid to take my own life."

This isn't a dare but I beg to differ. You sound pretty hopeless at times. What, is it on your list of things to do down the line? You got a few more goals to accomplish first? No, there's something holding you back as purposeless as you make yourself out to be. You seem self aware so, what is it? What's gets you up in the morning?

"In the realist since, I fear you" and "I feel that if I can overcome you..."

Can you be at peace with me if I mean you no harm and if i offend you can you forgive me? Will you attempt to overcome me if I lay myself down before you unarmed?

"I want to see Him spike the punch with poison."

I'm sorry but, it will most likely be blood. I had some earlier. It was delicious.Lol

You mentioned your contempt for the Son. He gave Himself over to his enemies. They didn't take His life from Him. Jesus said, my Kingdom is not of this world, otherwise my servants would fight. Jesus isn't a coward. At the conclusion of history don't you see Jesus coming in the clouds with the ARMY of Heaven? For Hannukah? No, for WAR. There's a time for everything. Remember that. A time for war and then eternal peace. As many things you wish for Him to do away with, will be. Yet, you're still unsatisfied. still won't come to Him. Still won't invite Him in.

The greatest kind of Love is when a man will lay down his life for the life of his enemy. Feed his enemy. Pray for the peace of his enemies. Strength belongs to strong hearts. You wish He were stronger but He's stronger than you and makes up for the weakness in you by being Himself.

Referring to your last paragraph...

God has come down a few times to talk with. He lived with us over 33 years. You forgot? God can't lie. He said He'd never leave or forsake us. That sounds like a good dad in human estimation. You can be free of God in this life at any moment you choose. No manipulation from God. You want freedom from Him but place it on Him to send you to Hell. Create your own Heaven or Hell and send yourself. Be more just than Him. More righteous. Defy His boundaries set for man, ascend into the very throne room and have your vengeance upon Him. You be God since He's unqualified. You crucified Jesus in your heart, but Jesus is laughing at His mockers today. It's funny you mentioned biting God like a dog. Read Psalm 22:16-20 sometime.

Man, forgive God. You know He's real. See what happens when you forgive Him. Make peace with Him. Forgive Him for all the things you feel he should've done and didn't.I'm being serious. Declare a one month peace treaty with Him. Read and take time to understand His "madness". Declare peace with the world for a month. Forgive everyone who offended you in the past and will offend in that month. You have nothing to lose. You can go back to being the same person you were after a month. What do you say? something in you will happen. I promise.

I'm very excited and anticipate your next response. You're a fascinating creature. You're a phenom just like you said.

Thanks, Its rare to be called something so nice with someone I have a disagreement. I shall show you the same civility.

I guess you can call me a warrior if you like but I don't even really call myself "Christian". These days I see myself as a "Revolutionist". Let's get into it....

Yes, I see you as something a little different, I probably find you just as interesting as you find me.

I think you said you don't know God and you don't know love. What about your lady? Doesn't she love you? Hasn't she shown you a measure of what love is? She gifted you with a form of love that sees beyond faults and weakness. From her heart to yours. I really don't know but I wonder if you make it difficult for her to love you at times.

I probably do but I have decided to pretty much see how far I can go with her, If it fails then I have at the very least seen what I need to see, either I am too different to support a normal relationship or maybe my mental has become to far gone to support anything. I am hoping for a positive outcome but lets see.

Being that frog in the pot who is unaware. I was at a place where I reserved enough love within for my sons only. Everyone else was hated in comparison because consciously and in deed I cared for no one else. It's not good to isolate or reserve love to a select few.

Love is some precious is it not? I am not stingy but I am also not willing to give what little I have to someone that isn't willing to appreciate it. I don't love everyone, I cannot love everyone, I used to hate a lot of people but as I became a more reasonable adult that hate was replaced with cold indifference. My enemies are nothing more than dust and after a few short year like myself they will fade and die. Why bother with them?

If the love your lady shows you is good and has been good for you, why can't you be possessed by that and gift another with what you've been given? It's starts with one. You can change the world one person at a time.

If one man could change the world, let him stand up and do it. I want to influence the world to further my own wishes but now that I have found a place where I can live the life I want to live without the outside having too much pressure on me.

You said you're in a weak moment and strongest when you have a great enemy or something to fight against. You feel your life is of no value otherwise. I want you to go to war. Declare war against your soul. Against your conscience. I want you to hate that monster. Fight in this lifelong struggle.

The Monster is as much my enemy as it is my friend, The only difference between my Monster and your God is that my Monster relishes in humanity and want them to be themselves without limit while God want to make them into servants and meek children from genesis on ward we have been taught to

Hey! Now you have purpose and a daily opportunity to fight. Now you have value because you're fighting for personal freedom. When you're liberated, you can liberate others. Join this fight with us. You have allies in an Army where we leave no soldier behind.

I always wanted personal freedom, From everyone, I don't want any being being my boss, I don't want a boot licking servant of any creature, I would rather be utter destroyed than to be **** for eternity. To be manipulated from the shadows from creatures that do exist disgust me, The heavens are no more moral than the hells in my opinion. Both sides just want more groveling sub-servant humans.

"If I could choose another path and still have myself protected or at least prepared for the enemy...."

A right relationship offers that and will afford you weapons against the enemy seen without, the enemy unseen, and greatest of all, the enemy within.

In exchange for total submission and service because his son died and he mess up making human the way her wanted to OR he made us like this on purpose for some strange reason I can't conceive.

Can I just throw out this question? Who are you not willing to forgive that has offended you other than God?

Funny thing is I have forgiven a lot of people that have wrong me, I forgive my rapist for what he has done, I have forgiven those many many people that have made life miserable growing up, I have forgiven many many people. Its easy when you stop caring, those horrible things have made me into something different, I am something... I really don't know how to describe it but I feel insane yet a certain amount of primal clarity. Like I understand the world but everything is still new to me.

"Not sure if I would have at that point but at this point I would do it."[COLOR="Black"]

So, can you give me an example of what you imagine a person has to do for you to terminate them? Like, gimme an example where you can kill and justify it for yourself.


1.Someone attempting to harm me and failing. I would care if it was a man who surrender after I get the upper hand if I have the time I would make sure to slowly kill him.
2. Someone threatening my current life security. I.E hurting my career by telling some of my secrets.
3.Being in the way of my goal. I take this one seriously, I don't care who it is but if they did something and prevented me from getting my house in the middle of no where. I wouldn't care if it was my own parents I would do whatever is necessary to achieve my goal.

"Because this misery was not started by me, I nourished it like a fool...."

So, is it beyond you to be wise from here on out and starve it? It's sure to die, I assure you.


I've been attempting to overcome it, honestly the only time I feel like it gone was when I was volunteering helping canines in the shelters. The happiest I felt was with my puppy for three weeks some might consider it sad that I can only draw joy from caring for a creature that most people deem as lesser.


I know it's not an issue of God shopping. You can't hate what doesn't exist. The God who is the definition of Love is the one you hate and you say His existence is the so called True.

You want Him to say He's in charge but hasn't He already? Didn't He take charge when He flooded the earth and saved only eight because the rest refused Noah's Gospel and chose death or themselves rather than life? Didn't He take charge when He led a nation of slaves out of the hands of a cruel taskmaster named Pharaoh? Promising over 400 years in advance that He would punish that nation? We wouldn't call Him LORD if He wasn't in charge. Talk about a "leader". Wasn't it the Christian God who led Jacob's children in a cloud by day and pillar of fire by night? When was God never in charge? You want the world to perish and everything in but I'm sure you've heard how He's already pre-determined to do so with fire.


Honestly I will agree with that but I am alsot going to ask. Where is he now? I want to see him in his first born killing, salt pillar making, world destroying glory. If he is going to be a controlling oppressive being let him be upfront about me.

"I might be sick or hey I could be normal and the world is madness."

I think in this world, the worse you are as a human, the more normal you are. Oh, you're this; been through that; that made you? You're so normal. Be abnormal. Be extraordinary. Be transformed. Be radical.

You could be right, I think I am pretty abnormal anyway, I have tried a little of everything, taken in a small amount of odd cultures, I have been a furry, a boy scout, a practiorner of martial arts, a writer, an activist for the E.F.A, I am soldier now so the fun part is I run the risk of my tale coming to a sudden in. I am not afraid I am excited maybe facing an enemy without mercy or pity with as much disgust in me as I have in his whole species might enlighten me to something more to life.

"I practice blending in." and "..I want to be one of those people they have on the news.."

So, you live your life concealing who you truly are and wear a mask because if your true self were to be exposed you would be shunned and cast out by the same people you practice blending with. By the same people who are practicing in front of you. We're ashamed of our secret self that's why we can say with smiles we're fine or okay when really we're not. How normal. If you become that person on the news, not everyone will be surprised.

My secret self is a decent person if a bit feral, I prefer to engage in conversation, I prefer to spend my time traveling, writing fiction, walking aimlessly, I am not ashamed of the fact that I love differently or that I don't feel much emotion and think in the terms of a what is around me, I don't care much for afterlife's and deities even though I believe they exist. My personal paradise can easily be made on this planet, all I need is land, freedom to cultivate it and animals to populate it.

"If I don't have to hurt anyone I won't."
There's someone hurting everyday because of the love you can't show. Won't show. Won't learn to show. Someone's healing hinges on whether you'll love 'em or not. "Well, how will I know?" Love will seek out and hate will pass by aware or unaware.

If someone life hinges on my love then they didn't care much for their existence, I find showing an emotion to another person a very difficult affair because its very dangerous to open yourself to someone but to truly give your heart to another is like tap dancing on top of a landmine.

"I'm not afraid to take my own life."

This isn't a dare but I beg to differ. You sound pretty hopeless at times. What, is it on your list of things to do down the line? You got a few more goals to accomplish first? No, there's something holding you back as purposeless as you make yourself out to be. You seem self aware so, what is it? What's gets you up in the morning?

Not being afraid is not the same as saying, I am going to take my life right now. What get me up in the morning? Well its potential, I think that I might be able do something about this scummy life before I receive my other worldly punishment.

"In the realist since, I fear you" and "I feel that if I can overcome you..."

Can you be at peace with me if I mean you no harm and if i offend you can you forgive me? Will you attempt to overcome me if I lay myself down before you unarmed?

It would make me powerless but it would give us a level playing field to understand each other how we are now.

"I want to see Him spike the punch with poison."

I'm sorry but, it will most likely be blood. I had some earlier. It was delicious.Lol

You mentioned your contempt for the Son. He gave Himself over to his enemies. They didn't take His life from Him. Jesus said, my Kingdom is not of this world, otherwise my servants would fight. Jesus isn't a coward. At the conclusion of history don't you see Jesus coming in the clouds with the ARMY of Heaven? For Hannukah? No, for WAR. There's a time for everything. Remember that. A time for war and then eternal peace. As many things you wish for Him to do away with, will be. Yet, you're still unsatisfied. still won't come to Him. Still won't invite Him in.

Personally don't see a reason to invite a being that wants me to grovel. Let him destroy my home, kill my loved ones, burn my dogs, curse my crops. Then tell me to love him or better yet just make me.

The greatest kind of Love is when a man will lay down his life for the life of his enemy. Feed his enemy. Pray for the peace of his enemies. Strength belongs to strong hearts. You wish He were stronger but He's stronger than you and makes up for the weakness in you by being Himself.

By that since I am not strong I want my enemies dead, I want their whole legacy destroy. I want the fact they existed wiped from the earth. If you are willing to make your self someones enemy be prepared for them to destroy you or you them.

Referring to your last paragraph...

God has come down a few times to talk with. He lived with us over 33 years. You forgot? God can't lie. He said He'd never leave or forsake us. That sounds like a good dad in human estimation. You can be free of God in this life at any moment you choose. No manipulation from God. You want freedom from Him but place it on Him to send you to Hell. Create your own Heaven or Hell and send yourself. Be more just than Him. More righteous. Defy His boundaries set for man, ascend into the very throne room and have your vengeance upon Him. You be God since He's unqualified.

If I could transcend this world and its boundaries and be a God or THE God I would without even a moment of hesitation. I would do things differently.

You crucified Jesus in your heart, but Jesus is laughing at His mockers today. It's funny you mentioned biting God like a dog. Read Psalm 22:16-20 sometime.

I read it. Felt like it kinda fit me maybe the lord shall save someone from me in the future OR it could be a funny bit of scripture that just happen to fit this moment.

Man, forgive God. You know He's real. See what happens when you forgive Him. Make peace with Him. Forgive Him for all the things you feel he should've done and didn't.I'm being serious. Declare a one month peace treaty with Him. Read and take time to understand His "madness". Declare peace with the world for a month. Forgive everyone who offended you in the past and will offend in that month. You have nothing to lose. You can go back to being the same person you were after a month. What do you say? something in you will happen. I promise.


Hmmmmmm. You know what, I will take you up on the offer. From 2009DEC24 to 2010JAN24 I will assume a state of levelness with the Christians, God, and humanity. In that time I hope to receive some of this read material you recommend. This might turn out to be a fun experiment.

__________________
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I know where you are because you are someone looking for a way out of the cage you have built. Well let me tell you there is only one who can let you out and that is yourself but you will need all the help you can get. You say you don't believe in God? Strange if you don't believe in him why did you name Him?
What I'm saying is this, you may feel alone but He is sitting there right beside you in your lonely cage you made in your mind and now He has stretched His hand out to you and is waiting for you to take it. He will not force His presence on you. Just speak to Him and see what happens. You WILL be very surprised and then take the way out of your cage He shows you.
I'm praying for you and I hope you will read this soon.

I read your sadness, Your alone, I read between the lines to your soul. Your hurting very deep, someone has wrong you in your life, and you feel there is no way out. But there is a way out.
God is your way out, You say you don't feel love, that you don't know it. Thats not true! All humans know love, it was placed in us by our Creator (God) You are no different than any other person who walks the earth, I felt the same way you are feeling at one time and I can tell you that your never alone. God is always with you. He knows what all of us do all the time. But he gives us a choice in our lives, we could either be happy in our circumstance or we could be sad. Which ever we choose. I choose to be happy and strong and so I am.

1. God loves you as much as he loves me, because you are seeking him in your heart or you wouldnt be on this Christian site in the first place. john 3:16 For god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that who so ever believes in him will have eternal life.Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
What this means is Jesus Is waiting outside the door of your heart, Ask him for forgiveness of your sins and ask him into your heart and trust him to be your Savior and he will open the door of your heart, and he will set you free from all that sadness your feeling. And yes we are all sinners, we are born into sin because of Adams disobeying Got not to eat of the tree of good and evil. So from generation to generation we learned not to be honest, not to obey our parents, not to obey God, all these are sins. God loved us so much he gave himself on the Cross through his son Jesus to die for our sins so that we would'nt have to go to hell but go with him in heaven........
(Jesus,God and the Holy Spirit are all the same being)
Just like you could be a father, a son, a husband.
ponder on this first I'll continue it another day.

By the way words like demon, devil, evil, hell etc. are weak words, because love from God and the Word of God has power over all of them, because Jesus is the word of God
John 1 KJV
Chapter 1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 The same was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men. 5 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. 6 There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. 7 The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe. 8 He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. 9 That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world. 10 He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not. 11 He came unto his own, and his own received him not. 12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: 13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. 14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth. 15 John bare witness of him, and cried, saying, This was he of whom I spake, He that cometh after me is preferred before me: for he was before me. 16 And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace. 17 For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ. 18 No man hath seen God at any time; the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, he hath declared him.

How can anyone really 'reach out' to someone who is so utterly alone and in utter despair,by offering the person words????


I feel for you Military Dog, because I have had to make a similar decision. Because I and my physical health,is an offense to human beings, I choose to have no family or friends.
I am withdrawing from human so called 'friends' and so called 'family'for my own wellbeing.

Maybe just God and I will be able to work things out.
I need to belong and to be loved and accepted so badly,that I almost hate and detest,those who wilfully leave me out and who cannot and or will not be understanding,encouraging or supportive,when I am so ill and in despair.Selfish and hard hearted ones who have their support, partner and friends, church and family or jobs etc.
Of course I know that it is their behaviour I really hate, but I feel as though I never want to be near cruel people any more.
God seems to have shut me out too, but I have a little hope left, and will just wait and see what He might do.
Meanwhile, being and living alone, is the worst thing on this planet,and I will always hate it because it is cruel and evil, and I have no choice in it, but especially when it has been ongoing for years and years!!!
Good on you Military Dog, for being honest and real, God desires that in a person, I hope with all my heart, that you, and I also, will be rescued by God Himself,so that He alone gets the glory from our pain and suffering, and so that we may boast about His miracle toward those of us,who are treated as and considered to be of least worth on this planet.8th January 2010

Words made the earth what it is today.
Genesis 1 KJV
Chapter 1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. 2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. 3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

My point is God said, and when God said he spoke words, and his word was Christ but the word became flesh:
John 1 KJV
Chapter 1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 The same was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men. 5 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. 6 There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. 7 The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe. 8 He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. 9 That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world. 10 He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not. 11 He came unto his own, and his own received him not. 12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: 13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. 14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth. 15 John bare witness of him, and cried, saying, This was he of whom I spake, He that cometh after me is preferred before me: for he was before me.

The Word is Christ and the Word is very important its part of God, its the Bible, made flesh, Jesus Christ, its what we should be reading every day so we don't feel like military dog. iIts a personal relationship with God!

No offense meant toward you,God's Word is for the spiritually discerned,and yes I do know that Jesus Christ is the living Word of God.
From my own experience,I have found that kindness and understanding or rather empathy,are important to a person who is going through a bad time.
Even Jesus the Man, felt forsaken by the Father toward the end of His time on this earth.
Job also went through shocking suffering and misery while on this earth, for a time.
And whoever desires to live a godly life in Christ Jesus,we are told in His Word, will suffer.
So Christian or not, we will suffer from oppression,illness,both emotional and physical,and abuse etc while on this earth.
When times of trial come upon us,encouragement,comfort,support and just 'being there'and loving one another as God's Word says,would be great.
Praying for one another, as the Day draws near, would be great too,as would visiting the sick and widow or fatherless etc.
When Peter took his eyes off Jesus,Peter began to sink into the sea and he was there with Jesus and the other disciples. How much harder would it have been for Peter,if he was completely alone I wonder?
Woe to the person who stands alone,because if he falls down there is no one to pick him up.
God knows the whole picture, but we don't, and He knows the outcome as we are being chastened or pruned. And He goes with us even when we are in the wilderness for a time,and don't feel as though He cares or is there.But it is a very severe and painfully distressing time for the average person going through it with loving family or friends by their side. For the one who is alone or disconnected,it can be traumatic to say the least.
But most of all,God is Love, and His love covers a multitude of sins,thankfully, and He will not lose any that are His,amen!

Gods word will not come back void: Isaiah 55:11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.