Hurting Wives 6
Posted 01-09-2010 at 12:16 PM by princesswarrior
It's been awhile since I posted. I have been healing. I have found myself snooping to see what he is up to, but it doesn't control my days anymore. I stop myself and say: No, I gave that up to God. It's not my responsibility to check up on my husband.
It doesn't matter if I know anyway. It doesn't change the fact that he is going to participate in his behavior. It only adds to my hurt. If I trust God to deal with it, then I must leave it in God's hands and quit trying to control it (which I cannot control anyway.) My responsibility is to be a wife--not to make sure that my husband is being the man I think he should be.
Forgiveness has not come easy. However, I realize that I have also sinned and come short of the glory of God. One sin is not greater than the other in God's eyes. So, who am I to judge?I have come to understand more fully that just like my sin may make my husband feel less loved by me, it doesn't have anything to do with how much I truly do love him; it works visa versa with him as well. He loves me. I know he does. His sin has nothing to do with love. It makes me feel bad, but nevertheless, he doesn't do it because he doesn't love me. He is driven by another force.
How am I making it these days? I stay in prayer. I don't try to do myself what I have asked God to do. I fulfill my own duties as a wife, as a mother, as a career woman, and as a church leader. I do what I am supposed to do, and I let God deal with the rest. I relinquish what control I [I]thought[I] I had. I realize that God only commanded me to love others--not trust others. I only have to trust HIM totally, not my husband. I have realized that I can have limited trust in others. I do trust my husband in some areas--I do trust that he loves me. Yes, I am getting better. Healing has come and it is still in the process; I think the scars may always be, but at least scars don't hurt. The other part of my promise was victory. I know if I have the healing part, that the victory part must be in operation as well. I only write here to bring hope to others who may be facing the ultimate betrayal from the love of their life. There is hope, keep the faith, and remember the greatest is LOVE!
It doesn't matter if I know anyway. It doesn't change the fact that he is going to participate in his behavior. It only adds to my hurt. If I trust God to deal with it, then I must leave it in God's hands and quit trying to control it (which I cannot control anyway.) My responsibility is to be a wife--not to make sure that my husband is being the man I think he should be.
Forgiveness has not come easy. However, I realize that I have also sinned and come short of the glory of God. One sin is not greater than the other in God's eyes. So, who am I to judge?I have come to understand more fully that just like my sin may make my husband feel less loved by me, it doesn't have anything to do with how much I truly do love him; it works visa versa with him as well. He loves me. I know he does. His sin has nothing to do with love. It makes me feel bad, but nevertheless, he doesn't do it because he doesn't love me. He is driven by another force.
How am I making it these days? I stay in prayer. I don't try to do myself what I have asked God to do. I fulfill my own duties as a wife, as a mother, as a career woman, and as a church leader. I do what I am supposed to do, and I let God deal with the rest. I relinquish what control I [I]thought[I] I had. I realize that God only commanded me to love others--not trust others. I only have to trust HIM totally, not my husband. I have realized that I can have limited trust in others. I do trust my husband in some areas--I do trust that he loves me. Yes, I am getting better. Healing has come and it is still in the process; I think the scars may always be, but at least scars don't hurt. The other part of my promise was victory. I know if I have the healing part, that the victory part must be in operation as well. I only write here to bring hope to others who may be facing the ultimate betrayal from the love of their life. There is hope, keep the faith, and remember the greatest is LOVE!
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